party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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