no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
