I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
