I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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