I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
