I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
