I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
