I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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