just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You can't motorboat a personality
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
