On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
