Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Boobs are out for the taking
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
