new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
