Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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