I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
