as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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