I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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