We won't sleep together?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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