she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
