you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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