Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
