oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
