We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
