Apparently you make a good broom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
