I cannot find my penis.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
