Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
