i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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