you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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