I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
