I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
