that's an acceptable place to lick
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
