You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
