He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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