last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
