The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
