what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
