Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
