Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
