I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
