it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
