What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
