Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
