omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
