I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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