this just has baby written all over it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
