shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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