I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
