um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
