she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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