My first STD was from a foam party
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
