tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
