i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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