I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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