your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
