I cannot find my penis.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
