so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
