Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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