I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
