the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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