do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
