Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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