Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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