You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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