he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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