just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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