Dual....:-)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
