ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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