So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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