Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
