After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
