When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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