I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
