So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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