doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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