idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I understand Curling. That high.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
