I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
