I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
