A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
