My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
